Nerdfighteria Listen up.

http://www.thenerdfighterconnection.com/post/2332557582/contest-time-as-our-way-of-saying-thanks-for

I Fucking hate my job.

I hate my job so much. I'm so sick of our assistant manager only being able to work one damn day a weekend for her 'mental health' such a bitch. I'M working the whole fucking weekend. I wish I had a job I love. I miss the Disney Store so bad, I mean I LOVED working there like no ones business. But this job? I feel like I'm being taken advantage of to a point. I mean I wanted off Saturday so I could go to Rocky Horror live, mentioned this 2 weeks ago. Well guess who's working Sunday? ME. I also said that if no one could work Saturday I'd work it, but I'd like to get Sunday off. Who's working Sunday? THIS GIRL. I only have Monday off because I asked for it. I would probably have had Saturday off if our manager wasn't leaving because of the assistant manager. But why didn't she fire said assistant manager? Because they're FRIENDS. Lemme tell you our assistant manager's availability. SUNDAY: can only work if didn't work Saturday. MONDAY: 7.30-9.30 TUESDAY: 5.30-9.30 and so on until Friday. SATURDAY: can only work if she's off Sunday. And her excuse. "I can still work Saturday or Sunday I just need one day off for my mental health." IF YOU NEED DAYS OFF FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH THAN GO TO A HOSPITAL.

I need a new job, I'd like an office job-or anything outta retail. I know people spend their whole lives in retail, and I've only been working it for a year I mean this has taken such a toll on me. I just want to break down and cry. Cry like a little baby. And I'm listening/watching The Happening, I'm laughing. It's such a bad movie, where the hell did the army guy get so many bullets? It's like he's got a bazillion, and he was only carrying the handgun. It didn't look like he had any extra ammo or anything. YOU GUYS SHOULD KEEP FUCKING WALKING THEN FIND A HOUSE AND HIDE IN IT LIKE THE FUCKING ZOMBIES ARE GOING AFTER YOU. OR BETTER IDEA ALL GO OFF AS ONE AND FOLLOW ONE ANOTHER FROM A VERY FAR DISTANCE AND FIND THE SAME DAMN HOUSE AND DON'T GO OUTSIDE. YOU DUMB SHITS. FUCKING SHAMALAMADINGDONG and his 'OH I THINK I CAN WRITE HORROR MOVIES' MENTALITY. NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T YOU CAN'T DIRECT EITHER------ NO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE JUST SHIT. AT LIKE EVERYTHING RELATING TO MOVIES.

Thursday. April Fool's DAy

I'm in a child psych class and what do you think we'd be covering in class? Psychology related stuff, to be more specific child stuff....but no. I can't even begin to start thinking about what we're covering. I so can't stand this class. It's not even funny how much I can't stand this class. We barely cover anything on time. And the woman who sits in front of me....I want to punch her in the face so badly. She opens her mouth on every damn topic, who really wants to know every last thing she thinks, it's like she has no filter from her brain to her mouth. No one cares about her personal life and all the 'plotting' she wants to do in her bed. It's not a class topic, I'm not paying to hear you open your mouth and speak nonsensical shit. It's not fair to anyone in the class whether you want to know about her personal life. I don't I'm not paying for your life story woman so shut the fucking hell up.

Excuse my rant. I apologize a bit, I really needed to get that off my chest. Hopefully now I'll be a bit more calm in class. I only have a couple more classes left, 8 I think that makes it 4 more weeks. I'm too excited for words about this class being over. I can't really tell you much of anything I've learned over the semester in this class. It's just crazy. And the sad thing is that it's not a joke. I love school, but I can't stand this class. I really wish I could. Psychology is one of the fields I want to go in to. But this class is giving me second thoughts. Hopefully it's just the class, which I think it is, but this class is making me hate the whole science.

I enjoy CALCULUS more, get that? Calculus. And that math drives me up the wall crazy because it's just so hard for me to wrap my brain around the concept of that math. But I'd almost rather be in there twice a day tuesday/thursday. Except in that class-no laptop, but at least I feel like a learn some. And I'm not always checking the clock in that class either, but in Psych, I'm checking it soooo often sometimes I'm sure time just freezes. It's that bad.

On a different note, I'm going to work again tonight. I really miss Disney. Gymboree isn't bad, I just don't know what I'm doing there. It's only my second job- but I would have thought some of Disney's training stayed with me. Maybe it's because I'm scared of failing. I'm absolutely terrified of failing at my job. It scares me so much. I won't really tell anyone that but it does. I'm always terrified of failing. I'm terrified that I'm annoying someone and they can't stand me. And I won't do anything about it because I'm so passive about confrontation I hate making people feel awkward, or guilty because that makes me feel even worse. Sometimes I put on such an act around people to be liked, and around others I can't even be me once I've gotten to know them for a couple of months, maybe even years. It drives me batty and I can pretty much guarantee that it's messing up my mental health.

Apologies and Such

So, I know it's been months since I last posted something and if I thought that anyone read this thing I'd feel sorry, but since no one does....the apology is more for me. And my letting myself down for not keeping the promise I made to myself. Because in the past couple of months BIG things have happened. First of all I got a job, then I lost my job because our store closed. I worked at a Disney Store; and who'd have thought that as soon as 20 odd stores closed in the States Disney would buy back all 300 some stores in Japan. Thanks Disney, thanks.
Another thing is I'm in my final semester at the local community college and I'm graduating in May. That's the good part. The bad part is that because I lost my job I no longer have a way to pay for a four year school. And I may not be the only one in my house who'll be let go from work. My Dad may loose his job too. And if that happens the only bright side is that I'll be getting financial aid. The bad thing is that I'd have to be working full-time to help support the family so no college for me. I know that tons of people out there have it ten times worse than I do, but with that conversation with my Mom last night destroyed my whole life plan. Graduate from community college, transfer to a four year school straight away, go to graduate school then become a psychologist or do something involving history. Then fall in love, get married and after a good amount of time have kids.
But now all I can think about is how because my Dad's always been so overweight, I've lost my childhood. It was stolen from me. I've always had to be mature and help out. Being the oldest I get that I need to help with my two younger sisters, but now that my Dad can't do anything by himself and I mean anything. I have to be a parent. I'm home the most out of anyone in my family, I see my sisters the most. I hardly see my parents anymore because they're always driving to and from work. I know they can't help working an hour away from home, but sometimes I wish that I could know that it's all going to work out in the end, that I know that everything will turn out alright. But I just can't see that happening, I can't play out any scenario in my head that will justify the loss of my youth, or anything like that.
I'd love to say that I don't blame my parents for that, but some blame does lie with them, I don't know how much blame can be placed on their shoulders, I know it can't be all... but I just wonder how my life could be different. Moral of this- it's not good to linger on such thoughts, it breeds anger and dissatisfaction, more of both I couldn't handle.

I can't think of much else to add...other than Happy Belated New Year.
Recently played on my Mp3 player- A Very Potter Musical. I discovered them on YouTube it's AMAZING. I can't even put into words how much I love the StarKid Potter group. But tata for now, maybe I'll get another update before June. ;D